How we behave in different circumstances and conditions can be termed in three ways:
- Aggressive
- Non-Assertive
- Assertive
We all exhibit these behaviours in different circumstances, though we may tend to emphasize one of them more than the others.
Aggressive Behaviour
Aggressive behaviour tends to be exhibited by those who have little or no concern for other people’s ideas, feelings and needs.
People who demonstrate aggressive behaviour can:
- Use sarcasm
- Adopt a patronising attitude
- Place the blame for problems and mistakes on someone else
- Become hostile and sometimes abuse verbally
Typical aggressive statements:
- "Don’t ask questions – just do it…"
- "That’s stupid."
- "It’s nothing to do with me – it’s all your fault."
Non-Assertive Behaviour
This behaviour tends to be exhibited by those who attempt to gain the approval of others and avoid hurting or upsetting anyone.
People who demonstrate this behaviour:
- Tend not to stand up for themselves
- May express their views in a very cautious or mild manner, or they may not express them at all.
- Usually allow others to push ahead of them in career terms and allow others to take credit for work they themselves have completed. They may well resent such actions but are too compliant to do anything about it.
Typical Non-Assertive statements:
- "I’m sorry to take up your time but…"
- "Would you be upset if we…"
- "It’s only my opinion but…"
Assertive Behaviour
Assertive behaviour tends to be exhibited by those who respect the rights of other people to express their ideas, feelings, and needs, while at the same time recognizing that they too have the right to express and pursue them.
Being assertive means:
- Being honest with yourself and others
- Possessing the ability to say directly what you want, need, or feel, but not at the expense of others
- Having confidence in yourself and being positive, while at the same time understanding other people’s points of view
- Being able to negotiate and reach workable compromises
- Having self-respect and respect for other people
Typical assertive statements:
- "I believe that… what do you think?"
- "I would like to…"
- "What can we do to resolve this problem?"