The four qualities of a trustworthy person are competence, dependability, honesty, and consideration. If you've made a mistake and betrayed a coworker's trust, you're going to have to take specific steps to remedy that. But as you do, keep in mind that from now on it's doubly important that you exhibit trustworthy qualities.
Qualities of a trustworthy person:
- competence – Competent people display strong skills, have confidence, acknowledge when they don't know something, and are willing to learn.
- dependability – Dependable people aren't afraid to ask for clarification, they're clear about what they'll do, and they reliably deliver on their promises.
- honesty – Honest people avoid inaccuracies and omissions, they're consistent, and they set up realistic expectations.
- consideration – Considerate people find common interests, listen to others, and think about what they say and do before speaking or acting.
Organizations are built on the assumption that people can work together – that they can rely on each other for help and advice, get honest answers to questions, and give and receive feedback that improves performance. The assumptions people rely on are based on trust – trust in the organization, in management, and in coworkers. Trust allows people to focus on doing their jobs. A person who has been betrayed is unlikely to completely trust the betrayer again, and may have some issues with trusting others in the workplace as well. The betrayed person's work will be impacted, but so will the betrayer's. Others in the workplace will be affected as well.
Acknowledging the betrayal
Betraying someone's trust – either accidentally or knowingly – doesn't have to be the end of the relationship.
There are three steps to rebuild trust effectively:
- acknowledge the betrayal – acknowledge the betrayal with the victim as soon as possible after the incident
- apologize – apologize thoroughly, explain what happened, show your remorse, and demonstrate that you know what you did and what the effect was
- make restitution – make restitution; back up your apology with concrete actions to try to make it up to the person as best as you can
There are two things a person you've betrayed wants from you – your acknowledgement of what you've done, and a sincere apology. One without the other is of little use. For example, you might say "I'm really sorry for whatever it is you think I've done," but this kind of apology won't do anything to restore and rebuild trust. You're saying that you're sorry, but that you don't know what you did and apparently don't care enough to find out.
In order to effectively acknowledge the betrayal, you first need to understand what you've done to betray the other person. To do this, you need to put yourself in the other person's place and try to fully understand the nature of your betrayal. To fully understand, you'll need to consider other points of view. You also need to consider the damage you've done to your mutual relationship, the harm you've caused the other person, and the effect your actions have had on the workplace.
When trying to rebuild trust, it's important to quickly acknowledge the betrayal and apologize as soon as possible. By quickly acknowledging the harm and demonstrating your understanding, you will show consideration for what the other person is going through. Any delay simply causes more problems for the betrayed person. The victim of your actions will probably be preoccupied with trying to understand and explain your betrayal. Leaving the person to wonder what really happened and worry over the future will just make matters worse.
It's important to own up to the damage you've caused and avoid downplaying the betrayal in any way. Say for example you've failed to complete a task on time, and now the project you're working on with a coworker will fail to meet its due date. The betrayal may seem slight to you and so you may start your apology with "I realize I made us a little late." You've been a little late many times before, and it's never caused any major problems. But what if your coworker has never missed a due date in a 20-year career? From that point of view, the betrayal may be far more significant. You've just ruined the spotless record your coworker has worked hard to maintain. Your weak acknowledgment may just make the situation worse.
Apologizing
The second step in rebuilding trust is to apologize for the betrayal. An apology is more than just saying "I'm sorry." An apology expresses sincere regret about the harm you've caused the victim of your betrayal. Acknowledging the full scope of the damage sets the stage for the apology. The apology then sets the stage for healing to begin. It opens up the possibility of rebuilding trust.
Making restitution
At a minimum, your apology carries an implied promise not to repeat the same actions in the future. Explicitly stating this is an even better approach. However, your attempts to rebuild trust shouldn't stop there. Attempting to make restitution in some way can send an important message to the person you've betrayed. It indicates that your relationship is very important and that you're willing to make an extra effort to try and repair the damage.
Making restitution may take many different forms. You may try to help fix whatever problem your betrayal created for the other person. Or, you might promise to go above and beyond the call of duty in the future to make up for a recent deficiency. Whatever form it takes, a key to making restitution is following through with your promise. Rebuilding trust is a process that requires effort over the long term.
From the point of view of the betrayer, rebuilding trust requires a three-step approach. Attempts to mend broken relationships should start with an immediate acknowledgement of the actions and the impacts related to the betrayal. This demonstrates you fully understand what you've done.
Once you've communicated that you understand and accept the responsibility for the betrayal, you can apologize. The apology must be sincere, and you should avoid making excuses.
To drive home your commitment to repairing the relationship, you complete the third step, which is to try to make restitution for what you've done.